Go Figure

I tried a solo run with the puppy this morning.

My goal for the day was to be as efficient as possible. The glorified "killing 2 birds with one stone" kind of deal. Tire the dog out and get my feet moving. One fun filled adventure.

Snow and ice on the ground meant neither Sherlock or I could go fast enough to get anything out of the run. My snow legs are not like they used to be in Indiana. There, my legs and balance rose to the occasion. Here, I just looked silly with my dog pulling me like I was on skates across the road. I returned to our apartment with my pride, my feet, and my left arm hurting plus a puppy who was now riled up to the max.

So, before 9 am I felt like I was hurling stone after stone but not even bruising a fly, much less killing anything. Life-1, Reich-Nada.

My next task was figuring out breakfast. Luckily, we had eggs and hash-browns in the fridge and I thought my luck was turning. The eggs were great. Then came the hash-browns, excellent in theory but harsh in reality. Reality hash-browns were more like hash-burns and I was able to get hot oil everywhere. Life- 2.5, Reich- 0.5.

I stopped keeping score after that.

Post morning finally showed its face (pm- get it?) and my goal was to get a longer run in. This time Derick, Sherlock, and I all set out to brave the world. The snow and ice were gone and the run was much better. (Ps- Texas is one of the few places where we can have snow and have an expected high of 70 the next day....crazy state) I even got a little core and stretching in afterwards. Go me.

But I still felt pathetic. Frustration was taking on a new form of desperation for me. For the few minutes I huffed and puffed through a bridge position and engaged my lacking core muscles in a few crunches I tried to figure out how I used to do those things with a burning passion. I was disappointed in myself that I had only done those little extra things so far when I didn't have to go to work or I had a nice easy day off from life. Honestly, I still can't figure out how people do it. How do you change your routine? I figure I am like an addict and am addicted to my simple routine. I want to do things better, but I am addicted to staying the same. I was proud of myself and disappointed at the same time. I didn't even know that was possible. Proud that I did do a little something extra after my run, yet sadly disappointed because I knew it was an easy time to do it.

Proudly defeated. Go figure.

I see people at work who come in and are making huge lifestyle changes. Incredible ones. Inspiring ones. And I felt I used to be there. I was always afraid I would be the one who was stuck in high school, ya know? But in all seriousness, I think I am the one who is stuck in college instead. I can't get over the things I did there, the people I got to meet, and the time I spent. While I believe it is good to look to your past for guidance it is not the same if you constantly find yourself wandering there in the present. But I know I miss the routine the most. Knowing semesters broke up the year. Having classes and professors who wanted more of me. Rising to the occasion. Rising to meet what was demanded of me.

College is a place that breeds the sentiment of not settling. But how do you push that forward into your life afterwards? No professors, coaches, or same-major peers to hold your hand and push through with you. Your track is finally your own in life. You have friends and colleagues and people who love you still, but it seems like peoples lives become their own. Individualized and so separated.

I see the challenge. I hope to rise to it. I still wish I could figure out how so many people do it. I ask my legs that all the time, even though I think I really do know the answer.... Go figure.

So, to all of you who seem to have it figured out, congratulations. Keep plugging away. To those who see the road, but don't know where it goes try to believe and know it is a unique path. And, to those who just hope to make it one more step, thank god we have those other people leaving footprints :)

Following and loving my own road, long and far. Try not to hurl too many stones tomorrow...

SAS

What do you do with the days where you realize how far the road ahead of you really is?

Those very specific days of enlightenment where the headway you thought you had been making not only comes to a halt, but also crashes down and bursts into flames. I call it darkening enlightenment...

While my runs have been nothing spectacular anyways, I have been thinking "consistency is key" and I was proud of the fact that I had been running regularly! In fact, I was beginning to think I was getting back in the groove of things.

So I decided to take my groove and head over to Lifetime Fitness to work with a friend I had over there. My goal was to get my body ready for the kinds of intense tests and trials I was hoping to put it through in the upcoming years. In order to prepare and survive I knew I would need strength and power. Runners and athletes do not become great by doing just one thing. They cover all of the bases, shoot every shot, practice every move, and prepare every step. I have tried to help build my body into a machine before and I got pretty far, but this time around I was failing spectacularly. But I was still running and working hard on those runs. I was more worried about injury and prevention. My IT Band was acting up again...

Thus the goal was strength, but that hour I spent at the gym was more about realizing what I didn't have instead. I used to be able to hold a plank for 45 seconds, rest, and then do it a few more times. Not incredible before, but a big deal for me. (SAS aka Skinny Arms Syndrome) So when my friend suggested we start with planks I thought nothing of it. Little did I realize that soon my face would be red, cheeks puffed, and arms tormented. No, t'was not the trainer throwing me into boot camp, merely my own insufferable denial giving me more weight than I could take. I gutted my way through the first 45 seconds and then had to do the second try at 45 seconds broken up into 10 second on/off intervals. Wowzer. I knew I should have worn my shades in the gym, at least then I would have looked crazy enough for people to dismiss my poor physique and struggle bus lift techniques.

See, runners can not just run anymore. To compete, a runner has to stregthen every part of their body in order to beat out the competition by milliseconds. To compete with the best, a runner like me has to push her normal limits of conditioning every day just so I don't get lapped twice in a race with the American greats. Those amazing women out there are spending hours a day preparing themselves for the same tests, trials, and workouts that I wanted to go through. My thought was that I would be able to do what those women do for core, strength, and power along the way to competing with them and it would be just another part of the road I was on. A short, easy part. False. This road was getting longer with every step I took along it.

So, as I was watching my world, my hopes, and my dreams come pouring out of my sweat glands and catch aflame I figured that everyone in the gym was witnessing my epic meltdown. That is, until I watched a tall skinny blonde walk by me in nothing but booty shorts and sports bra talking on her cell phone (in the middle of the weight room...) Feeling slightly overdressed, I looked up from my lunge and noticed quite a few scantily clad and had a second enlightenment of the day. No one noticed the akward tall girl in the back lifting her 5 pounds over her head and wondering where the time went. Plus, no one knew the kind of power my lungs had or the miles my legs had crossed. While my butt may still be destroyed by twelve year old kids, barbie blondes, and mid-life crisis men in the gym, I still have some kick in me and can make a race more painful than most people would like it to be.  

What do I do with those days of enlightenment?

I pick up my pieces, gather the ruble, and resume building atop the ruins.

With one of my arms beating me down and the other picking me up, I am not really moving backwards. I just need something to help sway the balance towards improvement. (I think I can get my legs to join the cause) Plus SAS means they aren't beating me down that far...

Love the road, long and far