Renegade Runner

My first trip to the gym in... two? Nope. Three months... Finally. And I lied, I actually went to the gym once in those 3 months, but I ended up just sitting in the cafe and eating. Like a hungry lifting fool who just maxed out in a hard core lifting session, and yet I had just walked in and sat down. Whew. Handing the front desk worker my card to swipe really wiped me out! Totally deserves a smoothie, sandwich, and a cookie!

I have been in denial of my pathetic-ness for about the same amount of months. There was something about my attitude that kept me in a state of flat out stupidity and I just refused to believe I had gone that far from what I wanted to be. Then, like so many times, Derick brought me back. This is why he amazes me-

Early Morning Conversation:
Derick- "Let's make a goal chart for the next 5 days and see if you can do it."
Lauren- "Why? I get out the door and run... most of the time."
D- "Well, you could be doing a little more."
L- "WHAT? For real? My hamstring just won't get any better, it is hard to run and all that stuff when your hamstring hurts that much, jeez."
D- "You could be doing some things to help your injury..."
L- "Like what? Foam roll, totally do that...ah sometimes. And I know I need to do more core, I just don't like that stuff. Its... hard."
D- "It will help you run better."
L- "Gah, well I don't have time. I have to cook, work, clean, and do all this stuff! When am I supposed to do this?"
D- "I will help. I'll cook on the nights you get home late so you don't have to worry. I just want you to be able to look back in a few years and know that you gave everything you could to be the best runner you could. I'm not trying to make you do anything you don't want to, and if you are happy where you are at right now, then we are right where we should be. But if you want more, work for it."

Who in the heck says that? Right, my incredible bearded wonder. See how carefully he leads me to my major realization? He lets me complain, lets me get all the crap out, and then, BOOM, wakes me up!

I became quite the whiner some where in the last year and Derick has slowly tried to help me steer back in the right direction. I sat there, curled up on the floor after a 4 mile run, and realized that I could not look back on what I was doing so far and be satisfied with it. I couldn't even be proud of my last 365 days. Perspective usually comes with time, and my timing could be viewed as both late and early. It has taken me a year of doing the same lazy routine to realize that it is not helping and I can't get faster with it. Wimping out for a whole year is pretty bad. On the other hand, I didn't need a lifetime to realize that I have more to give, more to run, and more to discover. Thank goodness Derick has his mature moments side. :)

Totally my choice. I can look back and have to be happy with where I am, or not be satisfied and I can create a stronger me. That is the theme for this season- take everything that I think is too hard and do it. A month ago, everything I tried to do made me more tired. This week, I did my Running Fit class with Run On! and I went to the gym. I had forgotten how great a lifting session could feel. Something has definitely changed. Earlier in the year I wanted to go out and do some of the strengthening work outs, but I was exhausted. Now, something is finally clicking and it feels good to make my arms sore. I have missed that feeling so much. I know I finally made the choice to make a solid effort, but it feels different this time. Sore and tired is so different from wiped out and exhausted.

Could it possibly mean I am finally adapting to life after college? I have heard it can take up to two years from other runners who have gone through it before. Sounds about right. I just can't believe the difference that I felt. The past year I was sleeping awfully, eating terribly, and not doing the extremely important "little things". Am I sleeping better? Nope. Eating better? Possibly, but not consistently yet. Doing the non-running workouts? Starting the routine. The future may not look better yet, but today sure looks a hell of a lot better.

This isn't an I'm-ready-for-the-Olympic-trials realization, but it is definitely a ready-to-be-the-best-runner-I-can-be sort of deal. And I am going to need some majorly awesome music blasting through my headphones in order to make this happen. Also, I took it as a sign at the gym when Forrest Gump was playing on the televisions they had up. Let's see what can happen when I finally have some steam behind my miles...

Some of the most truthful advice I have gotten in the past year:
"Real elite athletes don't have real jobs Lauren. All they do is run, train, and have more talent than you. So, you can't really work a real job and think you can compete with them."
---Luckily, I love a challenge, and that sure sounds like a great one. Plus, I'm not trying to compete with them (yet). I just need my two feet to take me as fast as they can. My real job will just have to pay the bills until my feet can.

On my way to becoming, in all ways, a Renegade Runner...
Bring the miles
Bring the challenges
Bring the reasons
Bring the hurt
And I'll bring the Renegade
(with smiles)