Gut Check

So my day off began with a simple question today.

Derick asked me, "Am I running the work out today with you?"

And, probably a little to quickly for his liking, I answered, "Nope". I may have the day off from work today, but I have to dedicate a few hours to the track. Now for years I have been loving running with people, working out with them, training with them, finding strength and inspiration with them. But this Saturday was different. My whole senior year I leaned on the abilities of my bearded wonder in order to work harder and have someone to push me. It really helped. A year later, why wouldn't the same approach work? I almost didn't believe that I said it myself.

It was easier to have Derick run the work out with me. Pace me. Keep me motivated. Push me. Yet, at this point in my training though, my goals are not what they were a year ago. I had dreams of running with girls who were much faster than me, and more talented. I set goals of showing up to competition with multiple levels of NCAA division runners and winning. I no longer wanted to wonder what my boundaries were. I was determined to find out what my best could be. So, I needed someone there to push me. And Derick did a wonderful job. And I found out what it was like to have a good day on race day.

This rainy Saturday, my goals look much different. I need the basics. My 400's are no longer smoothly running a 65. I don't race every weekend. In fact, I haven't raced on a track for almost a year. It is my favorite thing to do and I haven't done it. And I am waiting. With as much patience as I can muster. But Derick keeps telling me two things: Patience and Responsibility. So I asked him to kindly step off the track, start his watch, and keep the work outs coming. If I am going to learn how to take responsibility for my running, I figured I should start by moving my own legs. I know there will probably be a time where it will be important to have Derick as a training partner again, but right now I need to learn a few things. All the things I have forgotten in the year with out track.

I have a great support system, lots of determination, and some semi-willing legs so I know I need to keep my attitude on the right track in order to be successful. So for a little bit, that will mean the track and I will be our own little world. My races are no longer about how fast you can run the first lap and kick home. Those require pushing and turnover. Races now mean pacing, rhythm, and guts. That means getting your head on straight and your feet connected to your internal metronome.

My pace is my responsibility. To learn it, I need to do it. Plus, right now the work outs are not about pushing pace. They are all about finding it and repeating. Not glamorous. Not heroic. Nothing but the essentials. And that usually means a major gut check for me.

Time to practice. Time to work. And time to hope my legs grow wings...

Winging It

How many times a day do you check your watch?

Work. Errands. How does your schedule look?

Shower time. Me time. Run time. Time to cook. Time to drive. Time to clean.

And the one thing that I love to do is check that clock. Scratch that. I hate it. There are so many other things to see than those glowing numbers telling me I am late, too slow, and running out of time. Even if I got rid of my watch I have this internal thing that tells me time. I wouldn't call it a watch because this thing is moody, exhaustible, and not always punctual. But it is there. It is why I can hit pace in work outs.

Most of the time.

This is where life would be perfect if I had bird sense. Birds have this amazing ability to tell the time and direction they need to be headed depending on what time of year it is. If you kept a migratory bird in a cage at night when they are supposed to be flying to their destination they will focus their attention in the cage in that direction. They may hop around the cage, but their restlessness is always orientated towards their main goal. Plus they can fly for days. Jealous.

To me, I am at the point where I am a bird in a cage. Not in the confining or restrictive sense, but the transitional moment. Some one is about to release me. I am about to fly. Migrate. Eclipse the earth. But where a bird may know a singular pull of the direction it should go, I feel so much directional gravity that my wings don't know which way to flap. All they know for sure is a daily routine. I believe I took a major flight when I went to college... Left the nest and flew straight into a cage. Somewhere you are only supposed to spend a small amount of time. It is time for my feathers to grow again, find some gloss, and feel the wind.

I am not flapping away from San Antonio or anything else you can fit into that little metaphor. My feathers actually look great here! This is that silly internal thing that some people like to type out when they have a moment of insecurity in life. I hear that little internal thing chiming. I don't know if it is a timer, a life GPS unit, or a full-on moral systems check up. But it is there.

Usually it makes me just want to run more. Good thing my feet point forward or I would be going in circles...Thank god I have a pair of shoes. And some hard work outs ahead. I already feel the pull of those. The rest of the stuff I am pretty sure that I am just winging it...

Life tends to batter the things
that are supposed to get you places

Good thing wings grow back
All you have to do
Is look ahead

SAS II

Today I can finally lift my arms above my head again.

Saturday was the first day in my entire life that I did the full complete movement of a pull-up. In fact, I did two sets of 15 pull-ups. No hopping, leaping, or wings were used. Only a  machine that took 70 pounds off of my body weight. I reminisced how a couple summers ago I trained for a while in order to do one single pull-up and failed. Even with the help of my tried and true gymtastic muscle woman, Emily Watts, I still couldn't do a pull-up that summer. Heck, I couldn't get myself halfway through the pull. Now I know what my problem is! I only have to lose 70 pounds and I will be able to do a pull-up and be fit!

Kidding. Completely.

About the losing weight part. Not about doing the pull-ups.

I honestly think it is hilarious that a pull-up is more intimidating and impossible to me than almost anything else I could try to do. Speaking in pulic is pretty far up there too, but I know that I can work my way throught that. Actually doing a pull-up with out any assistance is almost physically impossible for me. In fact, on my second set of 15 (at 70 pounds less than my normal weight) I looked down to see Kenny pulling the bar up to help me. Dangit. Kenny is the poor soul that is trying to help me get back into competitive form. Even for an incredible personal trainer like him and all his skills, I am a pretty big challenge to take on. But I am starting to see the pieces start appearing. They are really far from coming together, but at least I am giving myself something to work with. Trying to lay that foundation. 

How long do you think it will take me to cure my SAS?

Pressure is a Privilege

One of my favorite quotes is a simple one about life. By Robert Frost-

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And then in four words I can sum up everything I have learned about running:

 I'll always want more.

If you step aside from the crazy part of that statement, the wanting of more pain and suffering, you might be able to see what makes running great. I can always seem to find one step more, another breath in, and another wonderful place to run just when I think I have seen it all. Being the smart girl I try to think I am, I then conclude that I should always want more.

Logic- if there will always be one more step, one more breath, and one more beautiful place, then I should want to take advantage of that.

And with that I take a large leap back into reality.

Most of the topics I have talked about lately have been a tad bit out there. Welcome to the places that running takes you. Or the places you have to go in order to keep running. Depending on the day it could be one or both...

And, it so happens, when I don't race I go slightly crazy. College kept that in check because I was almost always getting ready for some kind of race. Now, I am out of shape, scared to race, and always working. The races are much fewer but I bet that means they will mean more when I get to them. The goal is to do one soon, but also to do one when I am ready. I have the time to wait until I have gotten good training in now. The key is to not go crazy on the pathway to those races. 

The one I have in mind is actually one I can do with Sherlock :)
The Ain't Nothin' But A Hound Dog Jog and the web page is here.
It benefits the Animal Defense League of Texas and that is where we adopted Sherlock from! It looks like it is in early March and you can run with your puppy! We are looking forward to getting my first mile of the season there and Sherlock's first race ever!

So for those of you who have the privilege of racing a lot, remember it is something you are lucky to do. The pressure is part of that and I miss it. The pressure is a privilege.

Final thought :)
The goal in life is to have the right type of stress....
(Derick and I are watching the National Geographic "Portraits of a Killer: Stress" tonight)

GD

Thoughts from the day-

GD is not what you think it is... Nope.

Not the swearing. While I have been known to utter some choice words, this is not one of those times.

GD is now my nickname for our apartment. It stands for "Glorified Dorm-Room". It should probably be GDR but that variation loses a bit of the dramatic appeal. I am thankful and grateful for the place we have, but since both Derick and I have graduated from college we can not responsibly call the one room place we have a dorm room. It just doesn't work. But it stays warm and holds my two bearded wonders, so I am happy.

I think today was one of those days I also learned that sometimes it is ok to just dive into things and hope your body makes it. All you can do is inch toward whatever finish line is in front of you. But my boss at work sent me a cool article that I really liked. It reminded me of some of the things I used to do in college when I really didn't think I would be able to do the things I was going to have to do. And tonight I am too tired to write how I use my own version of this stuff to get me through those things :) Running a 10 mile long run was a scary scary thing and it took a lot of  "tricks" to get me through it...

Mind and Body Work Together

Seven mental tricks that can add miles to your running.
 By Megan Gorman Published 06/19/2007

You lying down? Find a couch, we've got a theory: So keen was Freud's understanding of the mind and how it relates to the body, that if the Father of Psychoanalysis had laced up a pair of Asics, he could have run forever.

Just a hunch--but no doubt one you've heard expressed in less extravagant forms a thousand times before. From a coach. Or your dad. Or even Bill Moyers. The gist: When it comes to physical performance of any sort, your mind and body work in tandem. Like runners on a relay, they produce as one. Sure, your legs will tend to snatch all the credit. But it's your brain that allows you to make it to the tape.

How? Your mind interprets and shapes into strategy the messages your body sends it. When you're tired, it decides whether you slow down, stop or speed up. When you're competing, it decides whether you falter at the finish or pull off the win. Given this interaction, coaches and scientists alike now believe your mind determines, to a large degree, how far and how fast you can run.

"We're not talking hocus-pocus here," says David Yukelson, Ph.D. "We're talking discipline, strategy."

Tricks.

You see, improving your performance by exercising your mind isn't really about being smart (Freud-smart, anyway); it's about developing smarts--tricks, if you will--for buoying up your body.

To run 10 miles instead of your usual 8? You don't have to go to med school. Or dive headlong into psychotherapy. All you really have to do is fully engage your brain at the same time you engage your body. Here are seven mental strategies to help you run longer and stronger.

Trick #1

Map out the run--in your mind.

Couch talk. In other words, visualize success. Create a mental map of a course that's always beaten you. Picture every uphill, every downhill, every shady stretch, every turn. Then run it, step by step, mile by mile, in your mind. This is your dress rehearsal.

"The idea behind visualization is to program your mind to respond a certain way in certain situations," says Andy Palmer, Ph.D. "By creating a mental picture of a difficult run, you're also creating a space for it in your brain--an awareness of it before you do it. By having this picture in place, your mind will have better control over your emotions as you run. And you'll have better control over your performance."

A physical plus: When it comes to the central nervous system, perception is reality. "All you have to do is imagine you're munching on a lemon, and your body chemistry actually changes," says Palmer. "So by visualizing your run, you're creating neuro-pathways that will someday allow your body to perform that run without conscious thought." Or pain.

Road action. A few minutes before you head out for a long run, lie down and visualize your performance--every facet of it. Watch yourself stretch your hamstrings, each Achilles, your calves. See yourself grab a quick drink. Feel the water hit your lips, your tongue, your throat, then follow yourself out the door. Watch yourself take your first step, cross the street, round the corner and stride down the alley. Feel a bead of sweat trickle down your forehead. Pass the oak, the school, the five-bedroom monstrosity. Feel your legs push powerfully as you climb steadily up the hill and the physical tension lift as you hit the crest.

Use as much stimuli as possible, recruiting all five senses. Pull in all the negatives and positives, the possible triumphs and defeats. Fully develop the picture (for the neuro-pathways). Finish with your final step. Then do it again.

And the rest of the article is here.

Stay hungry my friends. For the road is long and your feet need fuel.

Go Figure

I tried a solo run with the puppy this morning.

My goal for the day was to be as efficient as possible. The glorified "killing 2 birds with one stone" kind of deal. Tire the dog out and get my feet moving. One fun filled adventure.

Snow and ice on the ground meant neither Sherlock or I could go fast enough to get anything out of the run. My snow legs are not like they used to be in Indiana. There, my legs and balance rose to the occasion. Here, I just looked silly with my dog pulling me like I was on skates across the road. I returned to our apartment with my pride, my feet, and my left arm hurting plus a puppy who was now riled up to the max.

So, before 9 am I felt like I was hurling stone after stone but not even bruising a fly, much less killing anything. Life-1, Reich-Nada.

My next task was figuring out breakfast. Luckily, we had eggs and hash-browns in the fridge and I thought my luck was turning. The eggs were great. Then came the hash-browns, excellent in theory but harsh in reality. Reality hash-browns were more like hash-burns and I was able to get hot oil everywhere. Life- 2.5, Reich- 0.5.

I stopped keeping score after that.

Post morning finally showed its face (pm- get it?) and my goal was to get a longer run in. This time Derick, Sherlock, and I all set out to brave the world. The snow and ice were gone and the run was much better. (Ps- Texas is one of the few places where we can have snow and have an expected high of 70 the next day....crazy state) I even got a little core and stretching in afterwards. Go me.

But I still felt pathetic. Frustration was taking on a new form of desperation for me. For the few minutes I huffed and puffed through a bridge position and engaged my lacking core muscles in a few crunches I tried to figure out how I used to do those things with a burning passion. I was disappointed in myself that I had only done those little extra things so far when I didn't have to go to work or I had a nice easy day off from life. Honestly, I still can't figure out how people do it. How do you change your routine? I figure I am like an addict and am addicted to my simple routine. I want to do things better, but I am addicted to staying the same. I was proud of myself and disappointed at the same time. I didn't even know that was possible. Proud that I did do a little something extra after my run, yet sadly disappointed because I knew it was an easy time to do it.

Proudly defeated. Go figure.

I see people at work who come in and are making huge lifestyle changes. Incredible ones. Inspiring ones. And I felt I used to be there. I was always afraid I would be the one who was stuck in high school, ya know? But in all seriousness, I think I am the one who is stuck in college instead. I can't get over the things I did there, the people I got to meet, and the time I spent. While I believe it is good to look to your past for guidance it is not the same if you constantly find yourself wandering there in the present. But I know I miss the routine the most. Knowing semesters broke up the year. Having classes and professors who wanted more of me. Rising to the occasion. Rising to meet what was demanded of me.

College is a place that breeds the sentiment of not settling. But how do you push that forward into your life afterwards? No professors, coaches, or same-major peers to hold your hand and push through with you. Your track is finally your own in life. You have friends and colleagues and people who love you still, but it seems like peoples lives become their own. Individualized and so separated.

I see the challenge. I hope to rise to it. I still wish I could figure out how so many people do it. I ask my legs that all the time, even though I think I really do know the answer.... Go figure.

So, to all of you who seem to have it figured out, congratulations. Keep plugging away. To those who see the road, but don't know where it goes try to believe and know it is a unique path. And, to those who just hope to make it one more step, thank god we have those other people leaving footprints :)

Following and loving my own road, long and far. Try not to hurl too many stones tomorrow...

Texans are not used to freezing weather...
and leave the sprinklers on.

Saw a litte ruby crowned kinglet today trying to stay warm! Texas is freezing over!

Adventures with CRR

Well my feet may have not been rolling very well, but yesterday my head sure felt like it was doing pretty well. I was on a creative kick. During a run. It was a little frustrating because on a run there is not much else to do but think and run. I can't whip out my scrap book. I can't clean the house. I can't type my blogs. Luckily I can think about them, but my brain just doesn't retain all the things I want to write about. Well, just like most of my jokes are funnier in my head, it probably works the same way with the things I want to write- it is probably good for society and humanity that I forget most of it before I can write it down.

But I did remember one thing from my run. I was about half way done when I was about to pass an idling car along the side of the road. I don't run with an ipod so it was just me and the road. Aaaaand the dog trying break the window down in the car to attack me. Luckily, the window held and I just continued on my run. Aaaaand then my imagination kicked up. Or maybe it was CRR. Either way, I had this discussion-
Runner Lauren- "Man that was close, glad he didn't get out"
CRR- "What if you were in a movie?!"
RL- "I wouldn't have acne anymore..."
CRR- "No, that dog would have totally busted down the window and a chase scene would have ensued. It could have been sweet!"
RL- "That would have totally messed up my recovery run. Plus, that was a German Shepard, those are bred to catch people."
CRR- "But what if you were in a movie! What if this was a movie!?"
RL- "I see where you are going with this!"
CRR- "You would have had to sprint in an awkward running scene and then had to dodge a bunch of obstacles. I know you have always wanted to be in a scene like the end of Happy Gilmore."
LR- "Well, that would have been a great run...and muuuuuch less boring than this one"

And with a click of her heels and a wink, CRR was gone and my run was back to a fun level of 2 (on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the best day ever). See what happens when I run by myself? I blame graduation and work for making me run by myself and having no one remind me that I can not go insane on my runs.

What ever gets you through the miles, right? It was so cold today I think I would rather just curl up and watch a movie :)

Life Update- Today was the coldest I have been since my last semester at DePauw. During our run for class at Run On! we set out around 7pm in San Antonio and faced some extreme weather. It was 15 degrees with the wind chill. Not the coldest I have ever been in, but for Texas it sure was an adventure. Those wind gusts today were eerily similar to the way DePauw's outdoor track used to feel. I was totally unprepared for the cold and scrambled to find layers to put on. Plus the news tonight said to expect snow on Wednesday night? Shouldn't that mean that Marvins, Alpha Phi, and the Nature Park are right outside my door? Who switched states on me?

Please, love the road long and far, but run safely this week!

Photo by the amazing Linda Striggo
http://www.striggophoto.com/
From the amazing ice storm sweeping the country!
Good old frozen DPU!