Go Figure

I tried a solo run with the puppy this morning.

My goal for the day was to be as efficient as possible. The glorified "killing 2 birds with one stone" kind of deal. Tire the dog out and get my feet moving. One fun filled adventure.

Snow and ice on the ground meant neither Sherlock or I could go fast enough to get anything out of the run. My snow legs are not like they used to be in Indiana. There, my legs and balance rose to the occasion. Here, I just looked silly with my dog pulling me like I was on skates across the road. I returned to our apartment with my pride, my feet, and my left arm hurting plus a puppy who was now riled up to the max.

So, before 9 am I felt like I was hurling stone after stone but not even bruising a fly, much less killing anything. Life-1, Reich-Nada.

My next task was figuring out breakfast. Luckily, we had eggs and hash-browns in the fridge and I thought my luck was turning. The eggs were great. Then came the hash-browns, excellent in theory but harsh in reality. Reality hash-browns were more like hash-burns and I was able to get hot oil everywhere. Life- 2.5, Reich- 0.5.

I stopped keeping score after that.

Post morning finally showed its face (pm- get it?) and my goal was to get a longer run in. This time Derick, Sherlock, and I all set out to brave the world. The snow and ice were gone and the run was much better. (Ps- Texas is one of the few places where we can have snow and have an expected high of 70 the next day....crazy state) I even got a little core and stretching in afterwards. Go me.

But I still felt pathetic. Frustration was taking on a new form of desperation for me. For the few minutes I huffed and puffed through a bridge position and engaged my lacking core muscles in a few crunches I tried to figure out how I used to do those things with a burning passion. I was disappointed in myself that I had only done those little extra things so far when I didn't have to go to work or I had a nice easy day off from life. Honestly, I still can't figure out how people do it. How do you change your routine? I figure I am like an addict and am addicted to my simple routine. I want to do things better, but I am addicted to staying the same. I was proud of myself and disappointed at the same time. I didn't even know that was possible. Proud that I did do a little something extra after my run, yet sadly disappointed because I knew it was an easy time to do it.

Proudly defeated. Go figure.

I see people at work who come in and are making huge lifestyle changes. Incredible ones. Inspiring ones. And I felt I used to be there. I was always afraid I would be the one who was stuck in high school, ya know? But in all seriousness, I think I am the one who is stuck in college instead. I can't get over the things I did there, the people I got to meet, and the time I spent. While I believe it is good to look to your past for guidance it is not the same if you constantly find yourself wandering there in the present. But I know I miss the routine the most. Knowing semesters broke up the year. Having classes and professors who wanted more of me. Rising to the occasion. Rising to meet what was demanded of me.

College is a place that breeds the sentiment of not settling. But how do you push that forward into your life afterwards? No professors, coaches, or same-major peers to hold your hand and push through with you. Your track is finally your own in life. You have friends and colleagues and people who love you still, but it seems like peoples lives become their own. Individualized and so separated.

I see the challenge. I hope to rise to it. I still wish I could figure out how so many people do it. I ask my legs that all the time, even though I think I really do know the answer.... Go figure.

So, to all of you who seem to have it figured out, congratulations. Keep plugging away. To those who see the road, but don't know where it goes try to believe and know it is a unique path. And, to those who just hope to make it one more step, thank god we have those other people leaving footprints :)

Following and loving my own road, long and far. Try not to hurl too many stones tomorrow...